Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and for all those fellows who forgot to bring their wife or sweetheart a bouquet of red roses, a box of Godiva chocolates or an expensive piece of jewelry, today they’re in the doghouse. It’s a cryin’ shame, boys, but that’s the way it is in our society. If you didn’t splash out for at least a gift card or dinner at Taco Bell, the next few weeks are gonna be mighty cold and I’m not talking about the weather. So bundle up, grab an extra blanket and tell Rover to move over.
When did the tradition of giving gifts on Feb. 14 become absolutely mandatory? Sure, as kids we exchanged those cheap little valentines with white envelopes that came in a box. They were tiny, but their messages were cute. We picked out the best ones and gave them to our friends. Even if we wanted to tell a boy we liked him, we wouldn’t have dared give him a valentine that said “Be Mine.” After all, kids were innocent in the old days. To let a boy know we liked him would have been unthinkable in first grade or even sixth.
However, seventh grade was a different matter. We were older and more sophisticated. I thought I had thrown out all the valentines from my school days, but a few survived. Three were from a boy who had a crush on me since we were 7. One was from the only boy who broke my teenage heart. The former has passed on. The whereabouts of the latter is unknown, but no matter. My heart healed a long time ago, and I learned a valuable lesson. Never give a valentine to your 15-year-old girlfriend that you can’t follow through on. “To the one I love and that means you, my fondest hopes that dreams come true” are the words that survive to this day. Apparently his “fondest dream” was dumping me. But I digress.
Today I’m offering some suggestions for men in the doghouse. It’s too late to do anything about your slip-up this year, but grab a pencil and piece of paper and write. First, never give your gal yellow roses. They signify friendship, which is fine if that’s all you want, but if she thinks you’re her sweetheart, a yellow rose will spell curtains for you.
Secondly, I know Godiva chocolates are expensive, but they’re worth it so don’t go cheap on the candy unless you like sleeping on the couch. Forget about chocolate-covered cherries or a bag of Snickers. You’ll be stoned if this is your idea of a romantic gift. Check out stores in your area where they sell hand-dipped specialty treats made from the finest Belgium chocolate.
And lastly, never, ever buy jewelry unless it’s from a reputable jewelry store. Forget about purchasing anything from Amazon or QVC. Stay clear of e-Bay and that guy in the parking lot. I know his goods won’t strain your wallet, but we know his rings will turn your gal’s finger green before St. Patrick’s Day. So if your lady wants jewelry, buy the best. You’ll be her prince for a day.
That about sums up my advice for next year. Fellows, if you listen to me, you’ll never end up in the doghouse unless that’s where you want to be. In which case, ignore everything I said and carry on as usual.
— To contact Sharon Kennedy, send her an email at sharonkennedy1947@gmail.com. Kennedy’s latest book, “The SideRoad Kids: Tales from Chippewa County,” is available from her, Amazon, or Audible.
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