The Monster Pillow

Hi everyone, Maverick here with the latest edition of “Cat Tales.” I hope everyone is having a cattastic week. I want to tell you about my mom and the monster pillow. My mom has been having a lot of problems with her asthma, and she decided to replace her old bed pillow. It’s a special kind for people with allergies and asthma. She had been looking online for a while, and she finally found one at a place in Florida.

When UPS delivered the bed pillow it was in a very small box. I saw the look on my mom’s face when she brought it in from the front porch, and she didn’t look happy. The box was way too small for a bed pillow. When she opened it she found what looked like a bolster pillow (whatever that is.) There was a card inside that she thought was warranty information so she tossed it onto the table. She thought maybe she had ordered the wrong pillow or the company messed up and sent her the wrong one. I was curious mostly because I wanted to play in the box so I was sticking close by so I could make my move. As she cut the plastic on the pillow, the pillow came alive. It transformed right before our eyes. It unfolded itself and then it got bigger and bigger like it was pregnant and going to have baby pillows. I even thought I could hear it breathing. I looked at my mom and her eyes were huge. I backed away from the box because I didn’t like the looks of that monster pillow. I never heard of one, let alone seen one up close like that. It was humongous, and when she lifted it, it weighed a ton.

That night, my mom tried to sleep on it. She hurt her neck and shoulder. It was so big and firm that it looked like she was sitting up in bed. In the middle of the night, she tried tossing the pillow across the bed, but it was so heavy that she had to use both hands. It’s a good thing I ducked in time, otherwise I might have died from suffocation. I don’t think I could have crawled out from underneath it. It weighs a bunch. It’s a good thing my mom hadn’t thrown out her old pillow because she ended up sleeping on it. 

She had spent a lot of money on the pillow and was frustrated because she didn’t have a big box to send it back in. So she decided to keep it in case she ever had back issues because it might work supporting her back. There was no give at all, that’s how firm it was. 

One evening, she was having a cup of green tea when she noticed the warranty card on the table. She grabbed it to read over. She has eye issues and was squinting, trying to make out the small print. All of a sudden my mom was smiling, and I think I heard a giggle. It wasn’t a warranty card after all, it was an instruction booklet. I know what you’re probably thinking, an instruction card for a bed pillow. Crazy, huh? It gets even crazier.

The next afternoon, I saw her sitting on the loveseat with a large black trash bag and the new monster pillow. She unzipped the outer case of the pillow and then she unzipped the pillow. I don’t think we ever had a pillow that zipped before. The instructions said to unzip it and take out the extra foam that wasn’t wanted in the pillow. What??? OMG! In my nine lives, I have never seen a new pillow with instructions to take the foam out to make it more comfortable to lay on.

She took out a quarter of a trash bag of foam and tied it up. The instructions said to keep the unused foam, in case we wanted to add some back into the pillow, at a later time. She tried using the pillow again that night, but it was still too big. Once again, she tossed it aside and got the old pillow back out. 

It’s been a few days, and she still hasn’t removed any more foam stuffing. The black trash bag is still sitting on the living room floor. I think she’s waiting until she’s calmer. The foam is in itty bitty pieces and it’s not easy to get out of the pillow and into the trash bag without it going all over the floor. You can probably feel her pain, right? I know I can. I stay out of her way when she’s messing with that pillow. My mom says it would have made a good Lucy and Ethel episode, whoever they are. It’s a scary pillow, the way it woke up out of that little box and morphed into that big gigantic thing.

In the meantime, my mom is using her old pillow. Her asthma is still acting up, and she’s grinding her teeth. Maybe tomorrow, she’ll try and tackle that pillow again and take more of the foam out. But where does it end? Will she get enough out for her to sleep on or will she take too much out and then have to put more foam in? My mom should get paid doing the pillow people’s work for them. I’ll give an update on the pillow monster in the next edition of “Cat Tales.”

Fun Facts About Me

  • I love to play hockey with small antique glass cream bottles and bowl with a large onion.
  • I like looking out the window, although we live at the end of a road and there’s not much to see.
  • I’m not fond of Thursday mornings because that’s when the noisy and scary trash truck comes. My mom and I duck under the covers until he leaves.
  • I like to be combed every single day. A guy has to look good you know.
  • I love it when my mom tells me stories about the good old days with my brothers. Maybe I’ll share one of them with you sometime. They make my heart all warm and fuzzy.

Other Cat Facts

  • Cats were first brought to the Americas in colonial times to get rid of rodents. –  I prefer thinking that we immigrated to North America for a better life.
  • Each cat’s nose print is unique, much like human fingerprints. – I wonder if I’m ever arrested if they’ll put my nose on one of those ink pads.
  • Every Scottish Fold cat in the world can trace its heritage back to the first one found in Scotland in the 1960s, says Cheryl Hogan, a Scottish Fold breeder and the committee chair for the breed at The International Cat Association (TICA).- I double-checked the date of this thinking they had it wrong, but it was in 1961 when Scottish shepherd William Ross discovered a folded-eared kitten named Susie on his neighbor’s farm. Susie’s mother was a cat with normal-shaped ears, but the father was unknown. I’ve seen pictures of these cats and they are cute.
  • It’s not uncommon to see cats in food stores in big cities as a form of free and adorable pest control. – Now there’s a job. How do they know the cats aren’t going to go to the cat food aisle and have a smorgasbord? I’m sure they get to take breaks and a dinner hour, right?
  • White cats with blue eyes are prone to deafness. – This makes me sad. I don’t like to think a cat, human, or any animal can’t hear. Plus my mom is getting her hearing checked this week, and she’s white with blue eyes. Now I’m concerned.

Today’s quote: “I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love.” – James Herriot

Don’t forget you can email me at maverick@eupnews.com.

Until next time, have a great week.

Love Maverick

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